My American dream

two more days

i will part with less
no hope
no desire
dreams bouncing against the walls of the emergency ward
the view from the hospital
is ugly

I am mute from scares
infamous
men still like me
for the shape of my thoughts
flattened stomach

I didn’t eat in two months
I am Kate Moss’s little sister
being driven around the city
in an ambulance
i can’t afford

I am mute from drugs
codeine to ease the pain
stuff
I can never remember the name of
to understand the cruelty

‘why’ echoes 
like an old vinyl

he doesn’t want to sign divorce papers
he took it all, everything I created
but it’s not enough
for him
he writes
letters
saying
“i want to see you thrive”

I am on my way out
ptsd therapy
international human rights lawyer

on the plane to Europe
I am expecting withdrawal symptoms
six hours of insomniac trans
and landing
without regrets
free from you America

there will be
someone else’s arms
less alien more grounded

spirituality
without the mind fuck

Residues

that Hegelian spirit from my sleepless nights
the one my therapist calls
dmt residues

the state when matter collapses
in a shadow of personal apocalypse

the void is waiting
for someone else

in overdose of meaning
I dare to forget 

Braque's prey

Him
who holds my body away
For others

Set in motion

He looked into me
Like at Braque's prey

Fuck gently
Don't throw 
Into madly burning fires

I said to his eyes 
Here is the flesh 
Muscles shaped in the dance of Kali

Claim it
I'm yours through the dusk

Like a comet on elusive trek
Colliding with the earth-ship's
Mass waters abyss

Find me again 
On the ocean shore
Part the legs for waves 
to foam

Lilly-white tingly dripping

In the darkest night 
Of Solstice

I want it all
I want less 
less
less  
yes

Sisters

that night
when sofa
turned into a cloud
shimmering object
descended
from the sky ceiling
as a porcelain dancer
into my eyes
with gaze in layers
shuffling
the rules of space
multiples

sipping
through the act
of three dimensional overlay

love given to me
by your female form
pure laughter
mortals would trade in pleasure

organza doll
dancing on my palm
I will make you sing
to the melody
retracting the universe

every breath
in and out
in and out
in

from the misery black matter
I will take you there
with me
I will take you
in

rebirthing
as sketch of translucent play
state of our love
friendship
creation

we are sisters in heaven
shamans
in the worldly rush
for human
suffering
joy
eternity
not guaranteed

unless we hold each other
in a dream

Baudelaire's bug

naked poetry dive
promise of pleasure
naked soul, dead soul
ancient
illusion walking down the melting palace
romantic spleen on the rotten petals
like a bug
Baudelaire's bug
when he/she was

Strokes of red

when the sea collapsed by my feet
with the sun at the zenith
I drowned into sand
pretending
to be a thousand year old
ambered nymph
or a Weston’s nude
voices of passersby shouted
dead

I found your name
whispered by an ashen spirit of a woman

made a wish to return

on the opposition
with the winter prayer for celestial sphere
only waves are invited only clouds
I want it all in the emptiness
like a dream within a dream
of six Russian dolls
I am July
awaken by the strokes of red paint
I bow with the sky
shapeshifting
divine

Thousands

I don’t believe in love for one man
but the flow that attracts 
a cast of thousands

that’s why I am here 
for the mystery of your touch
that sets me free

let me believe I can come back
unhurt by the battles

when others
take my mind away
from longing of what was
with you

in the mists of
green red nude

is it perhaps
just the flow that attracts

the same man
with different faces

burning for me
like the galaxies
mapped
crumbling the features
from beyond the time

like the ancient gods
in the waves of sound